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past heartache
by: Allison Ryder

by 17, i had fought against the world-
destiny stood against me
as my heart bled out for four years,
for someone who i let stab it, leave, and stab it again.
for nine years and every year after,
i let them stay, longer than they should’ve
so my heart could never mend.
so i drank more than i ate,
and i fucked someone else to break the connection,
and i cursed the world for breaking me
when i gave all i had and all i am.
and i sped out the pain and sorrows,
and paid my way to freedom.
by 27, i broke skin to feel alive,
and now, i can’t help but look back
and see how it all ruined me.
never failed to impact the people who touched me,
but that’s not enough anymore.
handed Satan their names-
i don’t entertain deals with the devil.
i’m setting myself free.
you can’t have me.