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they asked her why,

why she would do this to herself-

cozy up next to merciless men,

hands on her body,

yet, steer clear of her heart.

you know what you want-

why settle?
her smile mocked them:

have you ever been so broken 

you can’t breathe-

want to kill your insides, 

poetically thaw out, numb the pain-

turn to alcohol to blame for 

calls of longing and love,

turn to fighting 

to release endorphins of anger-

cried until you were choking,

hid in the shower to hide the tears-

swear off love but mean it this time.

now have you ever been alone 

on a cold night in an empty bed,

with a full memory for the one who left.

with sheer acceptance they’re never coming back.

they can steer bleat of my heart

because it’s not here anymore.
-Allison Ryder 

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