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his hands tremble with PTSD, anxiety,
nervousness, anxiousness-
their rhythm could break a glass,
sometimes he cannot even hold a cup off coffee,
unless gripping it with both hands.
his skills are impaired. frustrated tears
stream down his face;
unable to express the difficulties he faces,
not knowing the root of this pain,
not knowing why he can’t stop shaking,
unable to accept that he can’t control it.
his body is turning on him,
whatever this is, it’s winning.
and now it’s intervening, interfering –
typing becomes a struggle
when his fingers are shaking,
when his forearm is twitching,
and his elbow has shoots of pain,
right in the connector.
he hides the shakes, hides the pain
as it starts to consume him.
whatever this is, it’s winning.

-Allison Ryder