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i introvert my pain. the biggest thing that no one seems to understand is my relationship with my father is different and closer and so I grieve differently. the things that are hard for me come in waves because they are things like watching the moments I won’t have again and walking into shoprite without him and chocolate shakes and bacon on Saturday mornings and when things are going through my mind and I have no one to turn to because he’s that one person in the world who knows me and understands me like no other. so a lot of these things I have to do again for the first time, because it’s without him, so that’s what it feels like and it breaks me to pieces. so sure you probably think it’s crazy how I grieve and you probably don’t understand it but you don’t have to. you can say people have it worse and make light of my pain but these small moments I keep to myself, that I want to take part in myself, that I have to redo by myself, they are the moments that made up my life with my father. he was my family, my bestfriend, my dad, my heart, my hero, my rock, my life and you don’t get to make light of that or tell me how to deal with it. 
-Allison Ryder