i wish i could go back 


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i wish i could go back, go back and sit at the table 

of every lonely soul,

every lone wolf.

go back and befriend 

every lost soul 

and broken heart.

i wish i could go back 

and hand a tissue 

to every battered ego,

everyone who got made fun of 

for being themselves 

or standing up for themselves 

in a world of clones 

influenced by one vice or another. 

i wish i could go back and disrupt 

the chain of events 

that led each person 

to sit on that cold bathroom floor,

razor blading their skin

until blood soaked the walls.

that led each person 

to swallow those pills 

to drown out the noise 

or to numb out the silence.

that led each person to 

drink and drug their body

so it didn’t have to breathe,

so it didn’t have to hurt anymore.

i wish i could go back 

and stop it, from ever happening.

i wish i could go back 

and listen and see and hear 

everything i was blind and deaf to.

i wish i could go back 

and save them. 
-Allison Ryder 


she writes.


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defend yourself.

speak. scream.
they wound you with
a hundred thousand acts,
with a million trillion words
that break you soul
and blacken your heart.
but you stay. you stay.
and you stay silent.
speak. say something.
you’re not a doormat.
you’re not an object to be used.
you’re not expendable.
you’re not replaceable.
you’re not forgettable.
but speak damn it.
she silently writes.
she writes her statuses,
her blogs, her enticing
poetic verses.
she writes the wounds open,
the blood runs like ink.
she writes the aching of her soul,
the destruction,
the not good enough,
the jealous envy,
the anger and disgust.
in each specific letter,
she screams.
-Allison Ryder

i promised. but so did you. 


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i promised i wouldn’t use you again.i promised i was done. 

but the year draws near,

the sadness corrupts my soul. 

i said i wouldn’t. 

but i was humming along 

to a whiskey lullaby,

drowning in tears.

invisible. forgettable.

my greatest fears come alive.

i promised i wouldn’t 

but you broke your promises too.
-Allison Ryder 

i hate you.


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i hate you.

that was the part

you weren’t getting.

it wasn’t just anger

or pure sadness.

i began to hate you with

the parts of me that

used to love you.

you spread your lips for kisses

that did not belong to me,

and i asked so i could hate you.

so i could rip you from me.

i only needed half a heart to breathe.

6 April 17


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the sound of church bells on one side,

the sound of records spinning on the other.

how does that badger you inside?

the decision between family accordance

or right.

your photographs hashtag: blessed.

but your photos show a slip of skin

to a dip in the tune.

you’re out of self-control.

your vocals don’t add up

to the movement in your hips.

the church bells are ringing.

they’re calling to claim your soul

but you’re still dancing.

hesitant. they see it in your eyes.

but we all know,

freedom comes with a price.

5 April 17


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you hold onto the fire

like it would burn you alive to let go.

you left me with third degree burns;

every word that left your lips,

that put tireless hands to work

in typing up my demise

and sending it without a second thought.

then you ran. you hid behind the pain

you caused me, as if i hurt you.

you tore me down to pieces.

pointed fingers that weren’t clean

and deemed me unfit to carry.

no matter how irresponsible your choices;

i never would’ve made you feel badly

for being human. for choosing your own road.

but you did. i don’t know why.

and i don’t search for validation

for your unforgivable use

of a beautiful language.

you hurt me.

and you don’t get to deem yourself

a good friend

for not acknowledging that.


-Allison Ryder

you matter 


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all those posts you see from those lovers || family || friends who are not posting things about you, who keep it for when you guys are together because the world shouldn’t know your business. who are too afraid what people make think based on who you are || mistakes made || type of relationship, what they’re doing makes them an asshole and you matter. all those people telling you you’re too fat or not beautiful, they’re acting like assholes and you are beautiful no matter what. all those people who treat you like shit, they’re shit but you matter. silence is for cowards. so all those people not speaking up for you, to defend you, of their love for you, don’t let them silence your voice. you matter. if you matter to them and they won’t show it to the world, you probably don’t matter to them but you do matter. people are assholes who do asshole things and say fucked up shit to hurt people and not everyone can deal with the horrible humans people have evolved into. how do you deal with the fakeness, the lies, the deceit, the cheating, the caring more about what the world thinks than how you treat the people you love, the distrust, the disrespect, the using, the taking, the selfish ways, the breaking, the outward and intentional hurt. how does anyone deal with that. people acting like they’re better than you, friends acting fake, lovers tainting love. it’s a terrible epidemic but you matter and you’re better than them so go and make this world beautiful again, make people know what it means to be a good person in a world of grim reapers. – Allison Ryder 



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i ask so many questions because i want to know everything so i can be prepared, incase some utter betrayal or heartbreak is coming. while people don’t generally announce things like that, they do hint at them. but i should’ve learned with my fathers passing and countless heartbreaks over the years, that knowing it’s coming doesn’t ease the heartbreak, it doesn’t necessarily make you prepare any better. so maybe i need to loosen the reins and stop trying to control the outcome. because that just turns everything into a fight, which only creates heartbreak where i was attempting to prevent it.

-Allison Ryder 

Paint. Drink. Live. 


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Paint. Drink. Live; “Because Your Mind Matters”By: Allison Ryder


“I am fine.” Those three little words are like a loaded gun. Often times, they are the staple to depression.


“I’ve had enough.” We’ve all said it but for someone suffering from mental illness, it’s a reality that they’re unable to escape from.


According to statistics, there are 121 suicides on average, per day. For every suicide, there are 25 people who attempt suicide. Suicide is not a sign of weakness, it is an act committed by someone who is unable to absorb the intense pain that they are feeling in a tolerable way and move forward from it, move forward from various unimaginable circumstances and heartache. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides a safe haven for those who have lost someone, or those who have tried or who are contemplating suicide. They implement scientific methods to better assist in preventing this extremely common tragedy.


It’s easy to overlook someone’s emotions because we all have our own that we deal with on a daily basis but it’s not easy to overlook those statistics.


This is a cause that is near and dear to my heart and to all of us at Pinot’s Palette. Miss Staten Island, Allison DeLuca, is an advocate of “Because Your Mind Matters,” bringing awareness and support to those suffering from mental illness or those who have lost someone to mental illness. She is hosting a fundraiser at Pinot’s Palette North Shore where $15 per painter will be donated to the cause. The event is on Tuesday, March 21st beginning at 6:30pm. Tickets are priced at $45 per painter and can be bought via our website or by calling and making a reservation.


You cannot be there every day of someone’s life nor can you be responsible for every decision those you love make but you can be there for them through their suffering. You can offer a hand to help or an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. You may not be able to pinpoint all those who are silently suffering but you can stand with them. You can make a difference with your support, your time, and your generosity. Mental illness is a darkness and darkness can only be driven out with light. Anyone who comes to this outstanding display of support is a form of light, a symbol of hope. Unified, we can raise awareness and prevent future attempts by creating mechanisms and safe havens so suicide is no longer the only visible option in times of despair. This is a cause that needs people who will fight for recovery, who will not give up, and who have a strong support system helping them to light the way.


So put away those bad days, pick up a paintbrush, and join us on March 21st to help those who are suffering, make way to a brighter day.


Top 10 Reasons Pinot’s Palette North Shore Should be #1 on your To Do List


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Top 10 Reasons Pinot’s Palette North Shore Should be #1 on your To Do List

By: Allison Ryder


  1. We defer from the norm.


Instead of hosting another Birthday dinner or bridal shower at a catering hall, and instead of the same old afternoon looking for somewhere new to go (probably off the island), we offer an innovative and creative experience. We mix art, nightlife, and opportunity to create a memorable experience and masterpiece you’ll keep forever. You get to sit back and relax with a drink in hand, catch up with your favorite people, and learn to paint your own unique masterpiece from start to finish J


  1. Local Artists.


Our Artists do not all have education backgrounds or experience teaching but they are all artists. They come from all over Staten Island to share with you, their talent and their passion, providing you with a memorable class where you develop your own painting skills. You get to interact with them on a personable level and for some, it provides the foundation to build a relationship – whether as an aspiring artist, as a mother who is looking for a hobby, as a child who is looking for an outlet. The Artists we have here provide the studio with a sense of home, here on Staten Island.


  1. You don’t need to be an artist to attend.


Never painted before? Stick figures are your forte? No problem. This is an awesome environment for everyone. Whether you’re just looking for something new to do, something to share with your child, or somewhere to learn new painting techniques because deep down, you’re an artist at heart.


  1. Wine Tasting.


Taste a new wine before enjoying a glass while you paint. What better way to spend your day than relaxing with a beer, hard cider, or glass of wine and a paintbrush in hand. We also offer soda, juice, bottled water, and coffee.


  1. Date Night Paintings.


These paintings are perfect to share with that special someone in your life – whether romantic, family, or your best friend. While you’re working on your own canvas, your “date” is working on theirs, and at the end of the night, you push the two together to make the painting whole.


  1. Painting is the new yoga.


We are always looking for ways to let loose, relax, and express ourselves. We want to escape the busyness of our lives and the chaos of our schedules. Our painting classes provides the opportunity to do so. Whether with a group or by yourself, painting is its own form of therapy and 9 out of 10 times, it will become your newest and most favorite hobby.


  1. Something for all ages.


Pinot’s Palette NS is a place of diversity; a place where all ages can come together and be a part of something beautiful. We host both adult parties and events, and children’s parties, boy/girl scout events, and school trips. We offer paintings that are easier for younger kids and ones that are perfect for all ages. Our paintings are for both women and men, as well.


  1. Girl’s Night Out.


Food, drinks, activity, and good music – you can’t go wrong. Whether you’re looking for old school or 80’s music, or some new R&B and hip-hop, our events are never without pumping tunes to fuel good vibes. So grab your ladies and paint your way through Staten Island with a wine glass that never empties. And while some establishments require you to indulge in their food selections, we allow you to bring any food and snacks you please to any public class or private party. This is the kind of girl’s night you won’t forget and you’ll always have your own masterpiece to remember the night 😉


  1. Painting it Forward.


Who doesn’t like to give back? Who doesn’t want to do more? To offer a hand where we can? Pinot’s Palette NS hosts various fundraisers, donating money per painter towards cette specific charity. Upcoming we have two fundraisers for March for Babies – one is a glass class Wednesday February 15th 2017 at $40 per painter with $15 being donated to the March of Dimes. Friday March 31st 2017, painters will be painting “Colorful Swirl Sky” which is $40 per painter with $10 being donated to March for Babies.


Pinot’s Palette also partnered up with the after-school theatre program – “The Standing Ovation Players,” at $35 per painter with $5 being donated per painter.


Paint it Forward and book your next fundraiser with us now! Or reserve your seat for one of the many, where donations go to a life changing cause.


  1. We’re local.


Instead of looking for something to add to your bucket list that’s out of state, our North Shore studio gives Staten Islanders something new and local to take part in. It’s this fun afternoon or night to get together and enjoy ourselves, with so many people from our own hometown. It provides the opportunity for different neighborhoods to come together and make new friendships and create new memories. It’s not something you have to go into the city for or travel to another state to do, it’s right here in your own backyard.