no guarantees

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cancer, change, diagnosis, expectation, finality, life, no guarantees, perception, poetry, quotes, tomorrow

  

My Final Moments

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change, darkness, death, destruction, emptiness, finality, future, heartache, home, hurt, inability, lies, life, love, pain, past, poetry, punishment, shadows, truth, venom

My Final Moments
by: Allison Ryder

hands wrapped around my neck tightly,
suffocate my past, strangle my future.
i’ve been here before.
destroyed, surrounded in darkness.
sacrificed for a heart
that i’ve been murdered by.
why try. why attempt.
bones grind in dusted debris-
debris shouldn’t hurt but it clings to,
consumed my skin in the shadows
so you can’t see it in the light.
emptiness tingles my veins,
destruction in my bloodstream.
punished by the lies he delivers in sweetness,
that i took as truth.
end it all tonight. i give up.
fading into nothing.
i’m just someone i can’t reach,
someone i’ll never be.
how do i say i love you, to someone
who’s not ready to hear it.
my body goes through it again. sacrifice.
i give up my dreams
for someone else’s. only it’s different this time.
i can’t come home. this love’s too much to bear.
love is pain.
and i’m better without it.

4.2.14

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30/30, abandonment, allison ryder, alone, anger, April, beautiful, chances, courage, cycle, fear, fearless, finality, flowers, future, goodbye, identity, illness, journey, let go, life, loss, motivation, move, national poetry month, nature, orphan, pain, poetry, purpose, regret, risks, roots, sadness, scared, search, travel, tree, unknown

orphan
by: allison ryder

dirt brown stands tall as
forest and autumn emerge on its tips,
but there lies no roots. it is said:
the lack of veins allows the flutter in the wind.
it can move and in movement,
it can grow.
not tied down; neither
to landfill nor island.
an everlasting ability to be on a search
for purpose, for meaning, for exploration.
to search this world at new heights without
the painful, guilty, insecure, doubtful
attachment of those left behind.
the pain. the sorrow. the anger. the loss.
the abandonment. fuel the journey-
motivates the mind. to leave.
to take the chances we fear,
to make the jumps into an unknown abyss.
it’s easier to leave when you have no roots.
there are no goodbye’s or fears
of illness and death,
of losing time.
but to let roots hold us down, hold us back-
is to have branches like puppets,
living a life we were not made for-
a life like a silhouette shadow,
not real.
it is to have branches with buds
that never bloom.
an orphan has no roots
but it has flowers.