i said i wouldn’t write
our story on the walls,
but here i am.
pencil font, hoping you will change it.
dear you, yes you,
you know who you are.
honest and loyal companion,
walked around the midst with me.
just as lost and as broken,
stood side by side until we found our way.
both homeless, both hungry,
we took each other in.
when no one else was there,
we filled those voids.
spun around at the cusp of night
and you were gone.
false reasons, misconstrued judgments.
who are you and what am i?
just an excuse to blame?
i put all my trust in you,
opened up my secretive heart
and you just threw it away.
not forcing you to stay
but if you want to leave,
have the audacity, the respect
to say goodbye.
don’t tell me
they’re wrong for their silence,
drill it in my mind, claim to care,
then turn around,
and rip out your tongue.
dear you, yes you.
with anger, i won’t tarnish
these bricks with an ill tongue.
with hurt, I’ll just try to scream
to get to you.
my estranged sister,
how lost i am now.
who are you and what am i?
what would you tell your daughter
if these were her cries?
how do you leave, emotionless,
with no reason, with no goodbye?
once she was thirteen years old
and her life was set, the boy of her dreams
would be her first love, her first, her first lesson.
by the time she was twenty one,
she was burned, broken, belittled,
but still held that love and deemed it a blessing.
once she was twenty two years old,
watching life unfold but on a determined road
to get a college degree but it came with a choice,
there’s a price for that hard work, a price
to be that free.
then she had dreams that weren’t meant for sleeping,
work had come and go but that artist mentality was who she was.
love came and went, none for the keeping but
then, she had fallen in love and everything erased,
it became the first time all over again,
but for the first time. let go with a painful kiss
because another held his heart over his mind.
then sickness fell upon her, and for the first time
her hope turned everything black and white,
color was hard to find when they told her
finality would inevitable end this fight.
then it was three years later, still making art,
trying to make a change. the path she drew for herself
not taken, plans diverted, the absence of what she wanted
but then, she found love where love didn’t find her.
she lost so many friends along the way and found some
she would lose her life for. fight for.
even in their absence, she would lay her life down for them
because without them, something broke, something tore.
that love changed her and lingered but she found love again.
yes, for the last time. she opened up a distrustful and broken heart,
she found a mutual future until winter swept in, froze her future
until they broke apart.
soon the future will be here, will she be settled and comfortable,
alone because she can’t get close to anyone,
broken because those friends were better at being gone
then she was at getting them to stay,
keeping family close but also at bay,
dedicated to her voice being spoken through art,
would her future find the missing piece
to a tired heart? would her future get her closer
to everything she wants or would she have what she needs,
mask it for want, and still feel completely empty,
comfortable in the silence because at least there,
it made sense why she felt so alone.
allison ryder, author, broken, cause, cold, controlledchaoswritings, effect, family, friendship, inner pain, inner peace, life, love, obstacle, pain, pieces, poetry, prose, published, push and pull, push out, quotes, relationship, retaliation, spilledink, struggle, wordporn, world, writer, writing
anger, apology, bitter, broken, cold, consumed, emotion, fight, friendship, hurt, leave, left, messy, missing, painful, poetry, quotes, reflection, relationship, remember, reminder, stranger, stubborn, stuck
i’m sitting here alone,
looking at the broken pieces of glass
that shattered to the ground
in all your screaming, angry words and pain you yelled out.
i’m flashing back to those cold and bitter words,
lacking emotion- like two strangers throwing fists but there’s emotion,
because without it, there wouldn’t be this force — nothing to push us to this breaking point.
sitting here alone,
gazing into the broken reflection of us.
the silence consumes me;
it’s where your footsteps used to be.
we could’ve been redeemed had we not given into anger.
we made it too easy. red wine taints the wall
like blood spilled.
we didn’t apologize, we just spilled out in anger
with words we didn’t mean.
now i’m stuck here with reminders of you
and yet, so much of you is missing.
when will you come home?
will you come home?
i haven’t moved from this spot, sitting at the table
where i stubbornly watched you leave. i didn’t pick up the pieces,
just sitting here alone staring at the mess we made.
what if cleaning up the pieces means you’re gone, means
you’re not coming home, and never will this anger fade.