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Tag Archives: happiness

They Call Me Mom

17 Saturday Nov 2018

Posted by Allison Ryder in Mom Life

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allison ryder, change, courage, efforts, emotion, experience, family, fight, friendship, future, gratitude, growth, happiness, hard work, home, life, love, maternal instinct, mom, moments, morals, motherhood, perspective, poet, poetry, purpose, quotes, relationships, strength, thoughts, truth, under-appreciated. overlooked, value, words, work, world, writer, writing

The woman you accuse of not having an equally exhausting day because she didn’t go to work all day – the woman you just bypassed when you got home and made yourself a sandwich meanwhile she hadn’t had a meal all day. The woman you didn’t bother to ask how her day was because it all sounds redundant to you, yet she never fails to ask how yours was. The woman you dictate how to raise her kids because your experience and age trumps her knowledge and instincts. The woman who made a hot fresh meal she was so proud of – mostly because she was able to cook the entire thing before the baby woke up – she didn’t even get to taste it and perfect it before your loose tongue criticized it. The woman who spent all day cleaning and doing errands just to get through one small space and the laundry, as you walk in and throw your clothes around. The woman who had multiple nervous breakdowns trying to breastfeed her crying newborn with shaking, tired hands and reasonable doubt that she wasn’t doing it right, yet remained resilient in giving it a fair shot. The woman who feels too much of a burden to ever ask for help so she begins what will become incomplete tasks. She’s the kind hearted, generous woman who won’t say a word, who won’t reprimand you or start a fight. She’ll just clear the plates or pick up the misplaced shorts. She’s the woman who won’t question if you can help her just a little so she can get some things done in the house. She’ll live with the built up mail scattered on the coffee table and she’ll handle the unpaid bills out of clear forgetfulness, because pregnancy brain gets worse after labor. She’s the woman who won’t complain, she’ll just absorb your bad behavior and negative energy, and go on doing what needs to be done to provide for her family, to raise her children, to create the life she envisioned. She’s the woman who will look passed your lack of empathy and appreciation and still do something thoughtful for you in those five minutes she gets to herself. She’s the woman who teared up in her baby’s screams and loses her mind after the twentieth time the baby spits out the pacifier but cries for its return, but then that baby smiles and it completely washes away the silly stress that her wound up just five minutes ago. While the clothes are always clean, the food is always cooked, the floors are always mopped: the house is never tidy, the clutter is always existent, and the coffee is always brewing. God bless the mess this woman creates trying to get her child and herself out of the house. God bless the daily repetitive routine she’s clocked into her brain to remember it all. God bless the superpowers in her tiny hands and enormous heart to keep going, to keep growing. She may not be out there working for some large corporation or out there saving the world but in these four walls, she’s sure as hell changing it. She’s raising a child who will grow with strong morals and values, she’s teaching her children of love and respect, of hard work and kindness. She’s raising the next generation of imaginative thinkers, logical researchers, kind humanitarians, hard workers, strong athletes, brave soldiers. She’s molding a world of possibilities and opportunity, not with two hands and some clay but with two hands and her heart.

Maybe we all need that reminder sometimes.

Thank you to all the moms out there. It’s not always easy and 9 out of 10 times we’re all just winging it- a part of this trial and error method to see what works for us and our kids. 9 out of 10 times moms are invisible in their struggle because “we’ve all done it,” is easier to say than to take a moment to step out of our own shoes and into someone else’s and just listen for a moment. 9 out of 10 times moms are overlooked and under appreciated, mostly unintentionally but still affected by this bringing us down. So from one mom to another, I see you. Thank you for being a superhero.

-Allison Ryder

For Every Heart That Beats

28 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by Allison Ryder in poetry <3

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allison ryder, allison ryder quotes, art, artist, author, beginning, broken, chances, choices, courage, darkness, death, emotion, experience, fear, feelings, growth, happiness, heart, heartache, heartbreak, hurt, identity, impact, intimacy, judgment, lies, life, loss, love, lust, metaphor, mistakes, moments, pain, passion, past, perspective, poet, poetry, punk ished, relationships, silence, spilledink, strength, thoughts, time, touch, trust, truth, try, value, words, writer, writing

Visit my storefront today to purchase your copy of my second published collection of poetry. As fantasy clashes with reality, this book takes you on an intricate and emotional rollercoaster of love and tragedy, lust and heartbreak, with subject matter all ages can relate to.

http://aryderwrittenword.storenvy.com/products/11285580-for-every-heart-that-beats

I changed. 

11 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by Allison Ryder in poetry <3

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

acceptance, allison ryder, approval, change, different, growth, happiness, life, peace, poetry, quotes, silence, validation

I used to be open 

with my feelings, with my friends.

I used to need to tell someone,

I used to require validation,

I used to need to vent it out.

now I’m comfortable in the silence,

I find peace in it.

I don’t require anyone’s 

knowledge, acceptance.

or approval of my life.

life didn’t change.

I changed. 

I feel the difference everyday. 

you say it’s poisonous 

to hold it all inside-

it’s not. 

it’s happiness.

-Allison Ryder 

venting

17 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by Allison Ryder in piece by piece..

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2015, care, change, choices, death, decisions, difference, family, friendships, full, growth, happiness, identity, judgment, life, love, my life, norm, perspective, reckless, relationships, rock bottom, society, strength, venting

they say i’ve been making some reckless choices – i’ve been living my life differently, i’ve strayed from the norm – in the wrong direction according to my family. i’m not a kid anymore. i should be more responsible, with a steady job and money saved for retirement – i should be looking at wedding halls and baby cribs. and sure, i want that, but i want it when it’s right not when it’s easy or rushed, just because of some close minded belief that that’s how it should be. i don’t want to be cooped up in an office, working a 9 to 5, wishing for a sick day or the day i don’t have to work in a place i hate – making money to buy holiday gifts and not see a penny of it go towards a dream or ambition.

i’ve hit rock bottom plenty of times but this time is different – this time, i cut through the rocks and had them break skin – this time, i don’t want to fix things and fall back into the same old shit. this time i want to start from where i am. if i wipe out all of the drama and bullshit of this past year – i had a great year. i found something i thought i would never find, something i haven’t felt in years, i found someone – who may be completely unethical in her own past – meaning in how i know her and how she differs from me – but she has filled a void in me effortlessly. she gave life to a corpse. i hadn’t even realized how much of me died over the years. i used to be someone who wanted to save the world, who consistently pursued the wrong people and once attached, could not detach myself – i’m not that person anymore. i don’t do that anymore. i don’t justify the actions of toxic people and make them look better so the world doesn’t see how poorly i’m treated, while i try to fix them – or not even fix them but put a mask on them, making them look like the great person i want and deserve, when they aren’t and will never be that person. nor do i pretend a person isn’t as fucked up as they are. she’s fucked up and flawed, and because of that, she doesn’t shiver in sight of mine. i also don’t fantasize her faults, i take them as they are. our relationship is unethical because of who she is and who i am, because we’re less than lovers but more than friends, but she is the best thing that’s happened to me, throughout all of the chaos. i have found myself and my voice in the shambled bullshit of this year. i have chosen to save myself first, so in turn, i can and will save others. i have been placed before demons with razor blades coming for my blood and walked away. i walked away. i stopped living my life around money, working jobs i hate to get things i don’t need, and started to make a life for myself, that i love, from the bottom up. it’s difficult to understand how a person can find themselves through someone else but it’s what happened – it’s inexplicable but it’s true and the realest experience i ever had.

a lot of people say they don’t like me now, they don’t like the choices i’ve been making, as if i’m chugging shots of vodka while answering and transferring calls and entering go fuck yourself as the middle names of every patient i input into the system. now these are people whose opinions matter the most to me but i realized that while i want the respect and like of my parents and family – i am the only one who has to live with my choices at the end of the day – they merely have to tolerate me or push me aside like a stranger with pleasant civility. but i, i have to be okay with the life i’m living and with the choices i make, and so i’m going to continue on, but from where i am. i can no longer make the world happy at the expense of my own. i have to come first. i have to love myself first. i have to like myself. i know it sucks for a lot of people because i’ve made my mistakes and hurt people unintentionally in the process but i am unapologetically happy in the most unexpected of ways and i’m not going to hide that or sacrifice it. i’m not just alive anymore, for the first time, i’m living. i don’t want to die anytime soon but if i do, i want my list of adventures and experiences and the happiness, fun, and fullness to be greater than the vocabulary enriched intricate one line in some newspaper stating the particulars of my life to show who i leave behind-how i defined myself in some occupation i never really cared for. i never felt this way and i’m going to embrace it. i’m not giving up, i’m just living differently.

lost me

11 Monday May 2015

Posted by Allison Ryder in poetry <3

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

emotion, happiness, insecure, life, loss, memory, pain, poetry, relationship

lost me. 
emotions on the rise:

my heart’s bleeding,

the blood’s pouring out of my eyes.

emotions: worthless, used, abused,

insecure, insignificant,

your actions make your words look like a lie,

make all the years look like a lie.

impatient anger but my tears are painful,

my head is spinning,

they’re all grinning 

at their side effects, after effects, 

those who came before 

interfere with those came next.

I found happiness 

in a place labeled forbidden-

you all lurked in the woods,

blood lust in your eyes,

hunger for destruction,

kindness kept your motives hidden

but stay away from her. 

I’m not crying just because you hurt me,

I’m crying because you lost me and I lost the sight I had of you. 

and once I say goodbye,

I truly mean good riddens. 

-Allison Ryder 

change

19 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by Allison Ryder in 30/30 april is poetry month ;)

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30/30, April, bleed, change, circumstance, destiny, fate, happiness, identity, language, life, loss, metaphor, move forward, move on, national poetry month, person, poem, poetry, rebirth, redemption, rhyme, scars, seasons, simile, story, turning point

change
by: Allison Ryder

change breaks the threshhold
like the first crisp breeze of fall
or the scent of winter’s first snowfall,
like the comfort of a bare body in spring sheets
or the first touch of cool water under a burning sun.
searched a twisted road for this change,
something to break the chains of my past,
transform me far from who i was,
deep into another part of me.
i drowned in the flames that consumed my body,
as hot as it was, it brought peace to my mind,
a whirlwind in my heart,
but that of love’s fluttering kiss.
my body succumbed to the heat
and i rose from the ashes. derived from the past,
into rebirth. complete freedom as steel chains
released their reins on the entrapment i’ve been enslaved to.
i had to lose everything to gain myself;
i had to embody pure freedom and utter breakage
to find solace. often times, we bleed to find redemption.
we call them scars instead of turning points.
we call them scars to hold onto them,
to revisit, to reopen, to bleed again.
i am a stranger to these scars
and that is happiness.
change breaks the threshhold
and all i was succumbs to it,
as i become who i am. change deafens
the care of judgments, it defeats the fear of difference.
this change is strength,
and with it, the waves drown out
those who can’t keep up with the tide.
they become strangers to me, just rocks lost at sea.
i can’t swim alongside those
anchored to an old me.

never leave my mind

06 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by Allison Ryder in quotes

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happiness, health, love, people, prayer, quotes, safety, thought, wishes

“you sit here night after night and you pray for the people you love. do you think they know? do you think they think of and pray for you too?”

I don’t know. I don’t think about that. I’d hope they think of me sometimes because I think of them all the time.

-Allison Ryder

Why Have I Led Myself Astray?

28 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by Allison Ryder in piece by piece..

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

ambition, artist, Astray, bigger, different, dreams, found, happiness, heart, history, imagination, jobs, kids, life, lost, love, marriage, me, mind, money, perspective, published, relationships, vision, writer

why have I led myself astray?

because at 22 I became a published writer instead of an English teacher. because I have tattoos and photographs and memories and a bucket list to mark my journey instead of steady promotions. I have worked since I’m 13 years old and I’ve worked in enough cubicles and industries to not settle for money that doesn’t equal to the efforts I’m putting in. I have enough passions to pursue, things I love and things I’m good at, rather than acquiring things that have no impact on my life and myself. because I’m an artist who appreciates life and beauty, and not a slave to the system.

why have I led myself astray?

because I’m 26 and I’m not married with 14 kids already. I’ve had enough long term relationships go wrong or not in the chosen direction to be content they became exboyfriends and not ex-husbands. because I can be in love and be happy, or be in a relationship and be happy, and not have that hour glass most people die by. because I can be with someone and give them myself completely, and appreciate them, and help them, and worry about them because I care, and try to make their life better because they make mine more beautiful, and love them every night, and kiss them with breakfast every morning, and take an interest in what matters to him because he matters to me, and not need a ring to do that.

why have I led myself astray?

because I’m struggling and stressed and ambitious enough to try different things instead of live the same repetitive cycle. because I’m aware that life has limits and unforeseen time stamps so I want to make everyday count and live a life I’m proud of. because I have a heart that I live by, a heart I commit to- despite the cold, distrustful, bitter beings that shadow the earth. because I get rejected and hit rock bottom but keep pursuing the same damn dream because it’s my purpose and my destiny.

why have I led myself astray?

because I live in a way you’re not accustomed to, because people should sweat and bleed in a job they hate making money to save for something that could or could not happen in the future, because I’m responsible but not to your standards, because you don’t understand me.

the truth is, you don’t know me. you know you and I’m not you.

if I did indeed lead myself astray, I’ll find my way. I always do. but I don’t think I did. I think the truth of the matter is people claim you lost your way when their eyes, hearts, and minds are not big enough to have your vision, drive, imagination, and love.

instead of asking why I led myself astray because my life and outlook are so different. ask yourself why you haven’t moved. why you’re so disturbed by the way I live my life, so curious about my winded roads, so inclined to be judgmental that you’ll never really know me.

-Allison Ryder

good writing ✒📜

08 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Allison Ryder in quotes

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accomplishment, controversial, emotional, fear, feeling, fiction, happiness, offense, pain, personal, poetry, provoke, quotes, writer, writing

if it’s controversial, I’m going to write about it. if it offends you then I accomplished something. good writing provokes emotion and good writers aren’t afraid of that.

-allison ryder

take a step back..

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by Allison Ryder in quotes

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enjoyment, forward, happiness, substance, time, Trip, vacation

you plan a trip because it’s something to look forward to but you need to find something to look forward to everyday.

-allison ryder

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