when you grow up or spend your life constantly having to defend yourself, it infects your mind and begins to dictate how people treat you – friends, family members, lovers – and it’s what you’ve become accustomed to because it’s what you’ve always dealt with so it’s what you’re used to and you just allow it to keep happening. unless you’ve been in this position for some significant part of your life, you don’t get it. you don’t know what it’s like to constantly have to be on the defensive side of things.. to be told what you are, who you are, to be filled with craziness, negativity, doubts, worry, guilt, insecurities.. to be muffled and screaming within. your mind becomes a crazy whirlwind and soon your words and actions follow. the only way to stop it, is to put an end to where it stems from.
if you do not end up in the next chapter of my life – it is your fault. not mine. and i hold no guilt for it. i am not going to defend who i am or my position in my own life or anyone else’s, ever again. i could give a damn what you think and even more so, i’m not going to let the craziness of any one individual or group of people infect my life or my mind. your poison is your own to bear should you choose to. it’s not my burden and i’m tired of holding your weights, your thoughts, and your opinions.
sometimes the decision to end some force of power or friendship, the decision to leave, or the decision to change and take that initiative to really change is such an eye opener, that you can’t go back from it. and the best part is, you don’t want to.
just a song of inspiration while writing this piece.