just because I feel a certain way doesn’t mean I’m automatically aiming for something, that’d be like wanting to kill someone just because I don’t like them. or wanting to be with everyone I like. I’m a tough cookie to break but no one can care more or love deeper than I do for the people I choose and no one will show that care and appreciation in every way humanly possible like I will – and no one can detach quicker when I’m betrayed or intentionally hurt or on a different page than someone. If I want something, I go for it fearlessly don’t get me wrong but I aim and shoot once and then my efforts come out in different ways or all becomes silent & still if hurt and betrayal were sent my way. as mysteriously intricate as I am, I’m overly honest so if you want to know, ask. it won’t be sugar coated but it’ll be real.
I may be quiet but I’m not blind. bad decisions make for great adventures but I’m not dishonest. I may be private but I’m not unfaithful. I may be heartfelt but I know my worth. you may play games but unless it’s a tease to come home to me, I do real. I do heart.
30/30, allison ryder, April, believe, better, change, death, deceive, disease, emotion, fatal, force, give, hopeful, life, national poetry month, optimism, perspective, plague, poetry, positivity, real, rebirth, savior, security, transform, truth, twist of fate, writing
The Disease of Optimism
by: Allison Ryder
it’s like the plague.
instead of the fatal, brutal finality
written in blood,
they don’t die. they survive.
i save your life, you save someone else’s,
that’s how it works. that’s how this works.
you bear it, you grin..
that grin eventually becomes the truth,
real enough to be passed along.
it’s a mind controlling disease
with a hopeful demise into something better.
it’s a sickened belief of the twist of fate,
a turn of events leaving you
where you wanted to be.
it’s an addiction. the powerful force
of an emotion. to alter perspective,
to give, to force out the truth,
to break the masks who deceive,
to transform our lives, to change life,
it’s positively the one disease of security;
which confidently rebirths us – drives us
towards the light of a better day,
to another day, to tomorrow.
acceptance of the past,
hands grip the reins of today,
optimism rips through our skin for the future
like a disease flowing through the blood stream.
the line flattens, the cold sweeps in.
the beat is consistent. the strength of a family,
of a heart, of love, of determination.
the straight line makes waves. we break.
the disease of optimism holds no cure. no poison is stronger.
we break. but in hopefulness,
we wake. and stand immortal.
I’m where I’m supposed to be. ideal situation or not. I haven’t gotten it all figured it out. a lot of people would judge me and my decisions but you know what I don’t really care. I have someone I trust, someone I care for, someone who I listen to and really hear them. I have someone who has made my life better, who has made me better. it’s not black and white, it’s never black and white. it’s never ideal but you know what, it’s real. and at the end of the day life is about moments. it’s about sharing moments with the people you care about, who care about you, who bring something to your life. at the end of the day, it’s about being happy. it’s about not letting those moments where you’re alone fill you with anything but happiness because you are leading a full life. it’s never gonna be the way you pictured life to go but it’s going to be the greatest adventure you could’ve been apart of. and it makes all the difference who you’re sharing that adventure with. at the end of the day, it’s you against the world so you be with the person who makes you happy – no matter what anyone thinks or says or believes. it’s not about them; their life is about them. this life is mine and I am claiming it. my relationship is mine. and cold nights feel a bit warmer, mornings feel a bit better, days feel worth it because of the people who I spend my time with. late at night I lay with thoughts of you and I think how much fuller my life has become since you became apart of it. the time I spend preparing to see you are days I look forward to something great for this adventure brings me into an unknown realm. you are walking beside me into the new chapter of my life where I become me. and scary as it can be, it feels right. and that is the true rarity. for something with someone to feel right without question, judgment, doubt, worry, or insecurity. because the world injects so much of these things in the cracks of our being, into the empty voids. but you are my escape from all things for you and I surpass time – we are epic – we are immortal – we are real in an unreal place.