the thing with family, friendships, relationships alike is that when you go through turmoil and fight through wars, if you don’t wash away the residue and leave some lingering, it’ll follow you. when people consistently bring up your past mistakes, choices they didn’t like, choices that “weren’t right” as per their definition of wrong and right, you can never move forward with that person. and who would want to put efforts into a person who only sees bad, flaws, mistakes, pain, fights. when someone pushes their opinions and choices and how they live their lives onto you by making you feel guilty about how you live your life, giving you ultimatums, not respecting how you choose to live your life, they become resented.
there comes a point in everyone’s life, where we have to find a separating line between ourselves as individuals, and parents, friendships, family. love is a little different. there is a natural separation that occurs where we control our own lives and we need to voice it, otherwise the manipulation, the guilt trips, the misery will never end. the more someone tries to push you where their push is not warranted, the further they’re going to push you away.
I wish you’d see that but we’ll never have the chance to get better because you’ll never let me live my life my way, without making me feel guilty for it.
if someone does something and it bothers you and then someone else does it and it doesn’t phase you, the problem isn’t them, it’s you. there’s a reason for it on your end so you gotta be honest with yourself, not place blame where it’s not warranted.
allison ryder, artist, beginning, closer, fear, identity, illusions, imperfections, insecurity, life, loss, love, mistakes, people, poetry, present, prompts, quotes, relationships, respect, scars, security, time, trust, value, worry, worst scenario, writer, writing
i was given a prompt and asked to write a poem about it so here goes nothing. if you want me to write a poem about something, feel free to leave me a prompt, subject, etc. and i will do my best to do so.
prompt: write a poem about the security of insecurity
The Security of Insecurity
she fears he’ll leave her
in the dusted debris of what used to be.
that he’ll be swept off his feet
by someone’s simplicity
when she’s already shown her imperfections.
she’s afraid he’ll be consumed by alcohol’s
sweet taste and bitter temptation,
and climb someone’s body like he needs it
leave her miles away, wondering,
what she could’ve done
to keep him satisfied here so he wouldn’t be there.
insecurity brings doubt and worry –
why isn’t she making time for him?
where is she going? who is she going with?
what do they look like? are they what she likes?
what if their perfections outweigh his flaws.
but it’s not about trust, he’s knows she won’t hurt him.
she knows he won’t break her trust.
the enemy is themselves. they are afraid of their own flaws.
they fear their flaws will make them not enough.
but what is enough when we all come scarred?
it does wonders to remember such truth.
the truth is, they became afraid
when they touched that heart,
when their heart gets touched –
when they make mistakes and
their cards are laid out, flawed.
insecurity creeps in, not because
they haven’t shown their hearts
but because they now have someone
they’re afraid to lose.
security can blanket their walk
down to their soul
but that fear can uproot
the tiniest bit of insecurity
and turn it into flaming rage
that burns at the touch, heightens
defense mechanisms – toughens
the battle within, tearing at the skin,
grinding the bones, tearing at the heart,
ripping through the brain with made up illusions
and make believe stories of what ifs
and worst scenarios.
this blocks out the real reasoning
which is and always has been..
the movement of the heart.
when it comes down to it,
there is something secure about the insecurity
that leaks through our flawed actions,
that drenches our questions full of worry.
it is the tell tale sign of care and exclusivity,
of a heart beating with so much respect and value
for the one who pulls it close, that it suddenly doesn’t fear
heights or nature or the cycle of life
but it fears the loss of a human so beautiful,
that the world seems nonexistent without them.
when it boils down to the uproar of insecurity,
they will find the security of insecurity
keeps them honest,
reveals their mistakes and wounded skin,
apologies, and love.
they travel through their hardest insecurities,
turned into darkest fears and here, they find
security within themselves,
within each other.
and there lies the beginning
which is the kick-start
Memorial Day is not about whether or not you agree with war. today’s about the fact that people gave up some portion of their lives, whether entirely or in part, they did it to fight for this country’s freedom and i don’t care about your political views – you acknowledge the humans that bleed just like you and me who went above and beyond for the people, fought to give us what we have now, sacrificed for our rights. you don’t have to agree with war but these people deserve respect, gratitude, and remembrance for all they did.
by: allison ryder
does not mean restrain me,
keep me to yourself
instead of let me be.
with love means
give me the freedom to be
who I am. to put trust in me.
because without trust,
what are we?
just particles of what we used to be;
a tarnished love collecting dust.
with love, does not mean
take my life from me
and mold it into what you want it to be.
it does not mean reconstruct me,
nor define me.
with love means
this is who I am. past, present,
mistakes, flaws, pet peeves, beauty.
it means embracing
who I already am.
with love does not mean
be my parent or tell me what I feel.
it does not mean discourage me,
lie or lay your body elsewhere.
love, alone, comes with
means respecting the heart
of the one who beats at the same
rate as you do.
with love, does not mean take
the most important parts of my life
and transform them into you,
at the absence of my own
passions and dreams.
with love means we-
never you or I.
with love, I will remember
you. as the man who could not love,
unless it was love for himself.
i steadily watch people sabotage their relationships. from personal experience to watching friends and their numerous encounters; the bad is so easy to expect and the good is difficult to accept. how destructive is it that we cannot believe in a good thing when it is right in front of us because we are used to such cruel motives and ill hearts. we will be our own worst enemies if we allow such a ridiculous mindset to overcome our better knowledge… we will chase away everyone we care for, we will push away everyone we want close, we will never trust and never be trusted because this mindset will ultimately dictate our actions. to change this is simple:
want to change.
accept the good for what it is, when it’s right in front of you.
block everyone else out. no one else matters.
respect the relationship you’re in.
you were wrong? you made mistakes? a lot of them? ok. fix them. you’re not the worst thing you’ve ever done and you’re not your mistakes so prove it. only you can show who you truly are.
there are no what if’s, there’s only right now.
don’t expect things to go wrong just because they have in the past.
you’re your own worst enemy. STOP.
take a breather. everyone gets intense but recognize you’re doing it and control it.
work on your own life because a lot of times, these destructive thoughts enter your mind when something in your life is going downhill or you have far too much time on your hands.
let the person you’re with- in. trust them. if you can’t, then what are you doing. you have to give people the chance to be there for you.
don’t ever lie to the person you’re with. if you feel like you need to, then you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing.
the things you expect from the person you’re with are things you should first expect from yourself.
if you’re happy in the moment then just be happy. there’s no reason for stress or drama – life has enough of that in every other aspect.
listen. we all hear each other but we rarely listen. we have to listen if we are to make things work.
sometimes in protecting the person that we care for, we must make difficult choices. sometimes the truth is so painful we try to shield the people we care for from it and they get angered by our actions but if they knew what we had really done, they’d know.. no one could care or respect them more to commit such an action for them. people do not make painful decisions without a great cause to endure such pain. and when someone cares for another, they never wish to burden them with their own problems. but if we carry the burden alone, it takes a toll on us. it causes us to look for comfort in the wrong places and vent it out in the wrong way because we’re going crazy inside. sometimes we have to be honest with those we care for and allow them to be there for us in moments of pain because if they truly care, they will understand.