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Circumstances are all derived by choice; we choose to stay or leave a situation, a job, a friendship, an intimate situation, a relationship – whatever it may be- we ultimately choose to invest time and effort into it or to let it go – for various reasons – whether it be fear, or change, or love, or comfort, or history, whether it be positive causes or negative.
And then we choose our reaction – whether it be anger or impulsive emotion or sadness or hurt or calm or collected or patience. Negative or positive, it’s a choice.
And I’ve recently learned that the small moments of justification or comfort knowing someone is aware of how I feel is not as important as me being aware of how I feel and why I feel that way and what I’m going to do about it. At the end of the day, it may feel good for a second to know that person knows I’m aware of their ill actions or that person knows I feel hurt or I feel love or whatever it may be – but it doesn’t mean it’s going to change them or change the outcome because we’re all different. That’s why you need to make the choice for yourself on whether you stay or go and if you stay, how you react.
It is ultimately a choice. Everything in life is a choice so if you choose to stay, also choose to react differently. Preserve your space and energy because no one is going to take care of that but you.
Most of my life, I’ve been told how I feel, how I should feel, if I have self-respect, how I seem, who I am – and frankly, no one can determine that except for me and no one’s opinions or judgments of you should ever be more powerful than your own determination of who you are.
You see, I always thought I had to vocally defend myself to prove who I am but who the hell cares what anyone thinks – as long as I respect myself and I’m true to myself then what anyone else thinks is really insignificant.
I’ve learned active choice is something you need to be conscious of – it’s something YOU need to decide FOR YOU. It’s something you need to continuously work on and you have to discipline your thoughts and practice patience. You must think before impulsively reacting based on the first emotions that surface. And that’s not always easy to do but change isn’t supposed to be easy or comfortable – it’s supposed to be massive and consuming and challenging and wonderful.
You choose what and how you react – who gets into your space and who interrupts your energy or alters your temperament. You choose not to live on the offense or the defense anymore. You choose change.
We manifest what we believe. Life is our most massive mirror. If we believe we can do it, we will find a way. If we believe we have no self-control and there’s no hope, we will find every excuse. We are our biggest supporter, our most critical judge, our most influential motivator or obstacle. And that is also a choice on who we choose to be.
I react. A lot of times, impulsively. I am driven by heart and very strong minded. I’m resilient and I’ve always felt the incessant need to vocalize how I feel. To defend myself. To PROVE who I am. But in years of draining myself, I’ve seen little to no change in the outcome – in the minuscule events or people that I allow to interfere in my life in such massive ways. Don’t get me wrong, if I feel something that’s important to me to vocalize – not fear nor guilt will keep me quiet but I’ve realized – after all these years – that I don’t need to give so much of myself or my energy to these toxins, to negativity, to insecurity, to the constant defense of who I am.
You have nothing to prove. Know yourself, love yourself, change yourself but choose for yourself. Protect yourself and your circle.
When you choose your reaction, you take your power back. This world normalizes stress and negativity and offers an array of triggers and excuses to stay stuck. But it all boils down to choice. And when you choose differently, your universe will shift and you will understand your own version – of my divine clarity.
-Allison Ryder